The Road Game Journal feature will detail our excursions to various Miami Hurricanes road games over the years. Hide the children, because when you wear orange and green to an opposing team’s stadium, well, they tend to not take to it kindly. The below article details our trip the see the Canes take on Ohio State on September 11th, 2010.
Having planned on only attending the Clemson, FSU and VaTech games this year, I was resigned to missing the biggest game of the post-Coker era. Tickets for the Ohio State game were harder to find than a Buckeye fan weighing less than 200 lbs. At the last minute, however, the exorbitant ticket prices dropped a little (presumably because of the forecast for rain). I called up my buddy Troy the day before the game and told him that there were still last minute fares to Dayton Saturday morning (an hour outside of Columbus) for around 200 bucks. “Let’s do it,” he said. Woo!! The Pundit was off to the dreaded state of Ohio for the big game! I couldn’t sleep the night before. I think I got two hours sleep, from 2 am to 4 am. Our flight left at 8 am so I packed up, tossed on my Canes gear and we headed to the airport. The flight was short from Atlanta (about an hour) and as we were descending into Dayton, I looked out the window. WTF?! Nothing but cornfields. “Where are the buildings?” I say. I am suddenly thankful that my stay in Ohio is a mere 24 hours. We head to the Enterprise counter to pick up our rental car. The dude behind the counter takes one look at our shirts and says, “You guys ready to lose today?” Hey funny man, just get us our car. Then, he gets on the phone with the lot in the back and loudly says, “Hey Crissy, do you have any pink Beetles back there for these guys?” A few Buckeye fans in line snicker and laugh. Listen dude, why don’t you see if Crissy can also round up a career path advisor back there so you’re not the f’n front desk jockey at the Enterprise Rent-A-Car in Dayton, Ohio. As we wait to get our car, I see Keith Byars walk by with an OSU hat on. I like Keith since I’m a Phins fan, but I almost forgot that he went to OSU.
We take our first step outside and are immediately hit upside the head with 
the foul stench of feces. I sh*t you not. Ohio smells like ass. “What’s that smell?” Troy says. “Uh, I don’t know. I guess we’re near a cow pasture or something. At least, I hope so.” How fitting. Ohio smells like sh*t. So we hop in the car to make the drive to Columbus. I would like to say that the drive is scenic, but it’s not. Nothing but cornfields, more cornfields, a couple barns, and then more cornfields. I did think I saw a brother and sister making out outside of a barn, but they could have been cousins.
the foul stench of feces. I sh*t you not. Ohio smells like ass. “What’s that smell?” Troy says. “Uh, I don’t know. I guess we’re near a cow pasture or something. At least, I hope so.” How fitting. Ohio smells like sh*t. So we hop in the car to make the drive to Columbus. I would like to say that the drive is scenic, but it’s not. Nothing but cornfields, more cornfields, a couple barns, and then more cornfields. I did think I saw a brother and sister making out outside of a barn, but they could have been cousins.As we approach Columbus, we see some tall buildings. Finally. Now, we found some lower level tickets from some Buckeye fan and had arranged to
pick them up before noon. Dude lives in the heart of Columbus and is under the impression that we’re Bucks fans. I replace my Canes shirt with a plain white t-shirt just in case this guy changes his mind and doesn’t want to sell to a Miami fan. I get there and….see a Miami fan among his crew. Moreover, a couple of the guys are from Atlanta, like us. So we chat up a bit and Troy and I head on our way towards the stadium.
pick them up before noon. Dude lives in the heart of Columbus and is under the impression that we’re Bucks fans. I replace my Canes shirt with a plain white t-shirt just in case this guy changes his mind and doesn’t want to sell to a Miami fan. I get there and….see a Miami fan among his crew. Moreover, a couple of the guys are from Atlanta, like us. So we chat up a bit and Troy and I head on our way towards the stadium.Um, let’s see…Target? Check. Best Buy? Check. Chili’s? Check. Columbus is brimming with excitement. (sarcasm alert) One thing I will say is that the campus (like its inhabitants) is f’n HUGE (and nice too…see I’ll toss in a compliment every once in a while). So we park in a lot and then head to the 7-11 for a beer run. As we’re walking, we’re amazed at the set ups. Those Buckeye fans don’t F around when it comes to tailgating. They start early, and do it up like it’s the most exciting weekend of the year (cuz it, of course, 
is). One group had the typical flat screens with HD hooked up but even brought in two f’n LaZBoy recliners. Impressive. We went in search of the RV lot, as we had an invitation extended to us by Jason at ElevenWarriors.com. If you’re an OSU fan you’re probably already aware of Eleven Warrios, but if not it’s a great site for all things Ohio State and worth a look. Now, in the back of my mind, I thought it might be a trap. You know, to lure me in under false pretenses, only to ambush me with scarlet and grey lead pipes and Terry Porter VooDoo dolls. But, everyone was extremely gracious and we had a blast tailgating at the Shoe with the Eleven Warriors crew (even if we were never able to locate Jason, the guy who invited us). We look forward to inviting them down south next year.
is). One group had the typical flat screens with HD hooked up but even brought in two f’n LaZBoy recliners. Impressive. We went in search of the RV lot, as we had an invitation extended to us by Jason at ElevenWarriors.com. If you’re an OSU fan you’re probably already aware of Eleven Warrios, but if not it’s a great site for all things Ohio State and worth a look. Now, in the back of my mind, I thought it might be a trap. You know, to lure me in under false pretenses, only to ambush me with scarlet and grey lead pipes and Terry Porter VooDoo dolls. But, everyone was extremely gracious and we had a blast tailgating at the Shoe with the Eleven Warriors crew (even if we were never able to locate Jason, the guy who invited us). We look forward to inviting them down south next year.As it neared 2:30, we said our good byes and made our way to the stadium. As we were walking, we noticed that all OSU fans kinda look alike. Let me give you the profile. Red shirt. Pasty white skin. Buzz cut. Body Mass Index over 30. I think I saw three attractive females the whole time we were down there, and two of them had Hurricanes shirts on. Listen, I don’t want to say that OSU fans are not big fans of treadmills, but as we were walking we heard a woman scream. We looked back to see a rather large woman had bit it. Must have tripped or something and now couldn’t get up. Her husband – a big guy himself – was trying to pull her up, but couldn’t do it. They had to literally have two people pull this poor woman up (I would have helped but I had a hot dog and beer in my hands at the time). Seeing as how Buckeye fans love to eat, we asked one where a good place to eat was. He pointed to a row of vendors and restaurants and recommended the chicken gyros at the Skyward Grill. I don’t remember that guy’s name, but much thanks to him 
cuz dem sh*ts were da bommmmmb! Grilled chicken with some white sauce in flat bread. Troy and I scarfed those things down near the bushes behind the 7-11. With full stomachs, we made our way to the stadium. Troy tells me I still have white sauce on my cheek and I think it doesn’t look good for two dudes to emerge from the bushes with one having white liquid on his face. So we start walkin over to the stadium and it is quite a site. Situated off a river, it looks almost like a cathedral and is monstrous. Two green dots in a sea of red, we head 
through a tunnel where we have to endure the seemingly endless “O-Hi-O” chant. Well, at least it’s not ‘Rocky Top.’ One thing we will say, the OSU fans were extremely generous the whole time. There was about a 9 to 1 ratio of people coming up and welcoming us compared to roided up frat boys spewin F bombs. As we get near the stadium, we see the band getting ready to play as they make their grand entrance into the Shoe. I could see how this might be appealing (if you were an OSU fan, of course), but we instead opt to head inside the stadium for pregame.
cuz dem sh*ts were da bommmmmb! Grilled chicken with some white sauce in flat bread. Troy and I scarfed those things down near the bushes behind the 7-11. With full stomachs, we made our way to the stadium. Troy tells me I still have white sauce on my cheek and I think it doesn’t look good for two dudes to emerge from the bushes with one having white liquid on his face. So we start walkin over to the stadium and it is quite a site. Situated off a river, it looks almost like a cathedral and is monstrous. Two green dots in a sea of red, we head 
through a tunnel where we have to endure the seemingly endless “O-Hi-O” chant. Well, at least it’s not ‘Rocky Top.’ One thing we will say, the OSU fans were extremely generous the whole time. There was about a 9 to 1 ratio of people coming up and welcoming us compared to roided up frat boys spewin F bombs. As we get near the stadium, we see the band getting ready to play as they make their grand entrance into the Shoe. I could see how this might be appealing (if you were an OSU fan, of course), but we instead opt to head inside the stadium for pregame. I get to our seats, about 25 rows up in the north end zone. The tension is palpable and my heart is startin to race. I’ve been confident the whole time, 
but something about that day gave me a bad feeling. The forecast called for rain, and every Miami fan knows we’re not a bad weather team. Plus, I look up to watch pre game warm ups and the first hand off Jacory Harris makes to Damien Berry is botched. Ugh, startin to get nervous. Please God, please, no turnovers today. To make matters worse, I have to sit through f’n Rascal Flatts singin the national anthem. Jesus. Rascal Flatts? How fitting (and embarrassing) for Ohio.
but something about that day gave me a bad feeling. The forecast called for rain, and every Miami fan knows we’re not a bad weather team. Plus, I look up to watch pre game warm ups and the first hand off Jacory Harris makes to Damien Berry is botched. Ugh, startin to get nervous. Please God, please, no turnovers today. To make matters worse, I have to sit through f’n Rascal Flatts singin the national anthem. Jesus. Rascal Flatts? How fitting (and embarrassing) for Ohio.Games kicks off and the stadium is loud as hell. I don’t know who wrote that story about the Shoe not being loud, but when you have a 105,000 seating capacity and you give the opposing team only 4,000 tickets, that leaves 101,000 Buckeye fans, most of which have functioning vocal chords. The Buckeyes open up with a field goal and then decide to kick off to Lamar Miller. Mistake. Big mistake. He turns the corner and I almost have an accident in my pants. When Lamar takes it to the house, Troy and I are goin apesh*t in a sea of red. That. Was. Awesome. A Miami field goal later and we’re up 10-3 and I’m feelin pretty good. One turnover and we’re still up by 7 in the 2nd quarter. After a quick strike OSU TD and field goal, Miami was driving, down 13-10. WR Travis Benjamin runs the wrong route and Jacory Harris’ pass is picked off. F me!! As if on cue, the rain begins to fall and I begin to think that this just isn’t our day. Thankfully, I learned my lesson from the FSU game in 2005 and I knew to bring my green and orange Canes rain jacket. I was without a poncho or jacket for that game in Tallahassee five years ago and shivered for three hours straight.
Ohio State scores and Matt Bosher misses a field goal. Bosh?! Our All ACC kicker? WTF. After a 3 and out by the Buckeyes, they punt the ball. I see two defenders closing in on Travis and expect him to make the fair catch call. But he doesn’t. Instead, he steps up and catches the ball in stride, while the two Buckeye defenders overrun the ball. Next thing you know, we have the fastest player on Miami’s football and track teams toting the rock towards the end zone. I turn to the OSU fan sittin next to me and say, ‘Uh, they’re not gonna catch him. He’s fast.’ Sure enough, TB3 scores to pull Miami within 3. After an Ohio State field goal, Miami has the ball, down by 6 with a little over a minute left in the half. Plenty of time. Next thing I know, I see a pass hit Travis in the hands and is bobbled. Is it an incompletion? Um, no. It somehow caroms off TB3′s hands and magically arrives in the unsuspecting arms of the OSU defender. WTF was that? Are you serious? Is this really happening? It’s tough enough to beat the #2 team in the country on the road, but when you have freak plays like that changing the game’s momentum, it’s tough. Still, the defense – led by a stellar performance by Sean Spence – holds tight and the margin is single digits heading into the half.
Click here for Part II of this Road Game Journal…
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
As if the south doesn’t have farm land, fat people and chain stores. Aren’t most southern states in the top 10 for obesity in the US? The rental car career path comment was pretty funny though.
75% of the Canes fans I met were awesome. We were inviting all UM fans because away fans always make the best conversation. They seemed to enjoy our tailgate, since we had brats. Good football talk, solid if not spectacular beer drinkers, quick with the jokes. Of course, I met some jerks, but there’s always that group of a-holes in every fanbase… Miami is not alone in that group. They’re better than Michigan fans, I think.
Looking forward to the game in Miami!
Go Bucks!
Mark
5’9, 185 lbs (see, we’re not all obese)
Well written and entertaining. Ironic that you say Ohio smells bad considering Miami is on the “Top Ten Sweatiest Cities” list and the fact that Florida produces more livestock (and has more farms) than Ohio. Also as for the “lack of tall buildings” the population density of each state is nearly identical. I will say the drive from Dayton to Columbus is one of the flattest and most boring in the entire state. With 25,000 females enrolled OSU does have a few hot girls under 200 lbs, just like Miami also has a few fans that actually show up to games, and a few fans that aren’t acne ridden, basketball jersey wearin’, gold teef and chain, 120 lb tough guys.
You Mad?
Yo Mark, check out this Body Mass Index calculator. Hate to break it to you, but at 5’9″, 185, you are in the ‘Overweight’ category:
http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/
Glad to hear you had a good time with Canes fans. We do have some bad seeds sprinkled in, but most are decent. We had a blast tailgatin with the Buckeye fans and were very impressed with how cordial everyone was.
Nicely written and very entertaining. Most Miami fans were great (you did bring in a few of your fan base’s jerks though). Next year will be fun and I hope to have as much fun at your place as you did here, but going away with a W of course.
I also landed in Dayton, OH via the Miami-chicago AA connection. I also smell the sh*T
outside the airport. The smell was comming from the fertilized tree shrubs planted on Friday.
1st-nice post, very funny
2nd-not that I’m offended but Ohio has ton of beautiful women, alot are on tv that you would of never suspected…Halle Berry, Robin Meade, Katie Holmes (okay), Sarah Jessica Parker (okay)..tons of playboy playmates…..but yeah Ohio/Midwest has a culture of fcuking sitting around drinking beer due to the snow and love of all things sports…why we make great fans and why florida is consider some of the worse…
This is hilarious…..That’s our title.
tOSU’s. 36-24 bitch.
you said ” but when you have a 105,000 seating capacity and you give the opposing team only 4,000 tickets, that leaves 101,000 Buckeye fans, most of which have functioning vocal chords.” There were several articles released saying Miami sent back tickets due to lack of sales, over 1,000…maybe check your facts.
Brad – We did our fact checking, and Miami’s SID and their AD – Kirby Hocutt released statements that the reports about returned or unused tickets were wrong. This was verified by OSU’s AD. I think some of the Buckeye fans on this board can verify that as well. Also, from my personal research – calling into Miami ticket offices for available tickets a couple weeks prior to game day – they maintained that all tickets allotted by OSU were already sold, and informed all inquiring fans that they were seeing if an OSU will make any more available. Obviously no more tickets came our way – and we ended up buying our tickets from an OSU fan, who for some unknown reason, sold his tickets to us.
Buckeye fan here and I find some of your acounts humorous yet true.
It’s good you got to see that Columbus isn’t a hick town a la Gainesville, Tuscaloosa or Evansville. This is a major city by the way. A lot of people from outside of here aren’t aware that we’re somewhere between the 13th-15th largest city in the U.S. and the state’s largest city.
Unfortunately as well, some think that Ohio is a true midwestern state–location wise. Ironically here in Columbus we’re between 5-900 miles east of the true midwest–Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, Minnesota. But unfortunately there is farmland and some cornfields here.
Actually though most of the cornfields are west of us in Indiana.
But I agree with you 110% about Rascal Flats. The last thing Columbus or this state needs is to be linked with a country music act. That works well in Knoxville, Athens, Tallahassee, Austin, Norman or Gainesville but not in the mideastern region of the U.S.
I was one of the OSU alums which received tickets from the returned group from Miami. I got 4 for my family. We also bought some returned from OU and EMU, other teams that returned tickets.
Ha! I never said I wasn’t overweight… I’m just not obese.
Besides, I’m old. Old people are allowed to be overweight. Ask your parents, they’ll agree with me.
“….we have to endure the seemingly endless ‘O-Hi-O’ chant.”
If it was so annoying and endless, how’d you get it wrong in your article?
Again, there were NO returned tickets from Miami. That is absolutely ridiculous. This is the first time in my life I couldn’t get tickets through the UM ticket office and had to pay over face value of the ticket (this includes the 2002 Rose Bowl and 2003 Fiesta).
And to clarify…though I thought it, no, I did not really say that to the Enterprise clerk.
So what you noticed is that despite coming in with a bunch of pre-conceptions about what hicks we are, etc. — Ohio folks are mostly a nice, kind group. By the way, big buildings are overrated. I live in LA now, and I can’t wait to when I get to drive on the wideopen rolling farmland of Ohio. I mean, you really miss big buildings that much? I love getting a change of scenery … nice one on the “Lee Harvey Oswald” face … and Miami has plenty of stink to it too … I lived there … I’ll take fertilizer over urban stink any day …
I don’t know whether Miami returned tickets or not. All I know is that the opposing fan section that day was smaller than any I’ve been to the last 4 years; MSU, Penn St, USC, UM. Are you saying OSU offered Miami less tickets then.
Look at some game field of the U section. The very top level was pretty full. The very bottom level was pretty full. The middle level was Buckeye fans again. Look at some film of other big games at the Shoe. The opposing fans fill the whole section from top to bottom and seems a little more side to side.
I don’t find this insulting to Miami though as their enrollment numbers are rather small compared to some other schools. The fans there were pretty loud for the limited number that came.
Can’t wait to visit Miami next year.
Hilarious…and fairly accurate. Good work. GO BUCKS!
Wait a minute, people from the south are not allowed to make incest jokes in relation to people in the north. That is our joke about you!
Good game, you guys are back on the round to college football relevance. I am definitely not sold on JH – way too many bad decisions seems to be his common demnominator, but your defense is top 10 right now.
Is it some sort of contest amongst people from Florida to see who can be the biggest douchebag? Ohio smells like azz? Dayton is nothing but cornfields?
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